Life as Amber knows it

With my thirty-sixth (#FacePalm!!!!) birthday coming up fast, it’s time for my yearly post on what I’ve learned.

1.) There is absolutely no way I can take a person who dresses their pets in a far better wardrobe than I myself wear seriously. Is it the fluffy pink angora sweaters? Is it the designer boots? The trendy handbags for the pooches that makes me want to stab myself in the eye? Who knows. All I know is if I find out a person dresses their dog up all poo-poo-shee-shee, I’m going to lose any respect I might have had for them

2.) I loath people who cannot be kind to wait staff. Guess what? That waiter or waitress that you disdain so cruely? They’re busting their ass so YOUR lazy ass doesn’t have to make your own dinner or coffee.

3.) NEVER trust a person who doesn’t enjoy reading.

4.) The only difference between a person with a tattoo and a person without one is the person with the tattoo doesn’t care that you don’t have one.

5.) Temper your words to those you love and who love you. You have no idea how much of an impact they might have on a person.

6.) Sometimes, all that’s needed is someone to say to us, “It’s okay to hurt,” to make us feel better.

7.) There are going to be times in life where it seems like everything is going in the crapper. All you can do is hold on, grit your teeth, and fight through it and remember that even though it doesn’t seem like it, there’s a reason for everything.

8.) The best experiences of my life have often taken place in an uncomfortable chair with a mug of coffee present.

9.) I don’t mind getting older. I wouldn’t ever want to go back to my life at age 25. I’d love to go back to my body at age 25 though.

10.) You never know absolutely everything that is going on in a person’s life. Their long time relationship might be ending, they could have recently lost someone they love, they might be facing health issues.

11.) When planning your evil revenge, be certain to have a few Indie Author friends at your back. We’ve got some very twisted ways to torture people. (Yes, this one is a shout out to the lovely Charity Parkerson, who I am VERY happy to say has my back)

12.) A good friend will talk you through your ups and downs. A great friend will say, “Sure, I’ll delete your internet history if you die,” without asking any questions. These friends are also known as other erotica writers.

13.) If someone tells you to be ready at a certain time and don’t ask questions, just assume you’re about to have one hell of a memorable day.

14.) No body knows what the hell they’re doing. We’re all just winging it. But we’re all excellent at making it seem like we know what the hell we’re doing.

15.) Shorts that are wider than they are long are shorts that need to be re-thought.

16.) God Bless Twitter, Facebook, and Skype. You have brought me the most incredible friendships of my life.

17.) People misinterpret the word “love”. I can state that my gay male friend is a great love of my life, and everyone says, “awwww!” If I say that about my straight male friend, everyone asks me when we’re getting married.

18.) The quickest way to lose me is to try to change me. I am who I am due to nature, and due to the experiences in my life. Accept me as is, or live without me in your life.

19.) I don’t care how bad ass you are: There’s nothing that can bring you to your knees or make you beam with joy faster than a two-year-old looking you deep in your eyes and saying, “I love you.”

20.) Consequently, there’s nothing that can break your heart more than when the same two year old says, “I hate you!”

21.) I didn’t choose to become a Stay-At-Home-Mom because my mother did it or because that’s what all my friends were doing (which they weren’t, actaully). I chose to stay at home because I wanted to. And my job is way cooler than yours because I get to wear my pj’s to work, color, and play with play-doh all day. Not to mention the never ending supply of juice boxes.

22.) Children are filled with joy because they allow themselves to throw temper tantrums. Something to think about folks.

23.) Some people never grow out of the need to bring other people down to make themselves feel better.

24.) A person who bails on you at the last minute for no real reason isn’t a person you can trust.

25.) Some hurts never completely heal. But with enough time and enough of the right kind of love, they can ease.

26.) I absolutely cannot tolerate lying of any kind. When I find out someone has lied to me, or as given me a half-truth rather than the whole, I find it impossible to trust them ever again.

27.) Fertility treatments suck. Surgery to treat infertility issues sucks, as does the recovery period and the scars I have on my abdomen. Nine months of morning sickness and insomnia sucks. Giving birth to my son after my epidural wore off REALLY sucked. Postpartum depression and anxiety sucked. And yet, I’d of gone through much worse to have been blessed with my three children.

28.) Do not EVER assume a woman is pregnant until she says to you, “Hey, I’m pregnant!”

29.) I sometimes wonder if my TweepNation Podcast partner Dionne Lister and I are in a one-up competition to see who can gross the other one out more on-air. Then I realize I’m having too much fun to give a shit if we are.

30.) There is nothing and I mean NOTHING more hilarious than a story about a Gigantic Metal Chicken.

31.) Breakfast for dinner tastes better than at any other time during the day.

32.) Kids, pay attention to this one: your mom didn’t make you pancakes for dinner because she loves you, she made you pancakes for dinner because she wanted to eat them.

33.) It is very much a reality that you can love some one very much and hate them very much simultaneously.

34.) Always say goodbye to someone as if it is the last time you’ll say those words. Because for all you know, it might actually be the last time you get to say those words.

35.) If you love someone, tell them. Don’t be a wuss. There’s nothing to be gained by hiding your feelings, other than the possibility someone you care about deeply thinking they do not matter a bit to you.

36.) And naturally, of course, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

 

Lots of love, and if anyone has padding for all the spankings I’ll be getting this year, please, send it my way!

 

~Amber Jerome~Norrgard