Hello from Forty my friends! It’s gorgeous over here!
So I’m forty years old today. The big 4-0. I’ve been told for years that forty is awful. That virtually overnight I’m going to go from vibrant and cute to tired and old looking. My curves are going to sag and flatten. I’m no longer going to have the energy to keep up the pace of my hectic life.
Guess which finger I’m holding up?
True beauty is on the inside, and comes from knowing you are loved and having confidence in yourself and your place in the world. I have finally, at age forty, learned to love myself. I have learned that no amount of makeup will make me more beautiful than the knowledge that I have a good heart, that I am a compassionate person. I have finally, after years and years of placing my happiness and value in the hands and minds of others learned that I myself determine my happiness and value. I have finally learned to truly love myself, parts both good and bad, and because of this, finally opened myself up to the right kind of love.
My thirty-ninth year on this planet, my final year in my thirties, was one filled with heart break, lost dreams, adventure, travel, bucket list items being fulfilled, and long over-due healing and learning of myself. There’s healing yet to be done, and there’s more of myself to learn. Yet I am so much closer to being healed and being who I should be. And some of the experiences and healing I experienced this last year would cause eyebrows to be raised. Others would be understood by anyone listening. All of it was the best thing I could have done for myself, and that is the important thing. Not only have I learned to love myself, I have finally learned a much needed lesson in healing on my terms and my own time line.
So as has been my tradition, here are forty things I’ve learned in forty years of living.
1.) Sometimes you have to step completely outside of your comfort zone in order to move forward and heal.
2.) If all a person has to offer you is what their packaging is, they have nothing to offer.
3.) You are the only person responsible for your happiness. Other people can bring you happy, but they should not be the source of your happiness. I learned the hard way to not rely on others for my happiness. That’s my responsibility. Their responsibility is to bring positive and not negative in my life.
4.) Surround yourself with people who find your crazy adorable.
5.) Find what brings you joy, embrace it, don’t ever apologize for it, and don’t ever explain it. Just enjoy it.
6.) One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is the gift of loving them just as they are. Do this, and watch how much they glow.
7.) If you want something, do what it takes to get it.
8.) Listen to what people tell you. If they say they do not want a different career, to have children, to get married, honor what they’re telling you.
9.) If you don’t take care of yourself first, you’re not going to be able to take care of those who are depending on you.
10.) Stop letting fear stop you from living your life.
11.) Time doesn’t heal all wounds. In fact, there are some hurts that are impossible to recover from. But love can make them tolerable, and can ease the hurt.
12.) We are not meant to be without flaws. Embrace yours and what they represent.
13.) It took me forty years to learn to love myself as is. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
14.) You can have as many plastic surgeries as you want. But nothing is going to change the date on your birth certificate.
15.) True beauty is on the inside.
16.) Actions speak louder than words.
17.) Going back to an old love is like rereading a book, thinking there’s going to be a different ending.
18.) You are not your past.
19.) If you’re not recognized without your makeup, you’re doing it wrong.
20.) Dress for your body type.
21.) I have no interest in people who play games with their words. At 40, I’m far too old to learn another langugage.
22.) If something or someone is taking more from you than you’re recieving, it’s time to walk away.
23.) Find work that you enjoy, and use that to persue your passion.
24.) Treat yourself as you would treat the person you love most in the world.
25.) Never settle.
26.) What you put out in the world you get back.
27.) Surround yourself with what you want more of.
28.) Anyone who’s said “Everything in moderation…” has never had Gaja Sito Moresco paired with Black Forest Cake.
29.) Celebrate the hell out of yourself. Celebrate the big and small things. Celebrate those things that fall between the two. And sometimes, just celebrate the fact that you’re alive.
30.) Never allow someone else to determine your value.
31.) You are not responsible for other people’s actions. You are however very responsible for your own reactions.
32.) The past is just that: the past. Let it go and move onto your future.
33.) I do not care how much I love someone: when my sanity is at stake, I walk away.
34.) I will love you unconditionally. I will support you in all things, even if I myself do not understand their importance to you. I will respect your beliefs, values, and dreams, even if I do not share them. I only ask that you give me the same in return.
35.) Stop measuring yourself according to other people’s yard sticks.
36.) Quit wishing for things to change, and do something to make them change.
37.) Do not ask of someone what you yourself would not do.
38.) There is a difference between forgiveness and forgetting. Forgiveness means you let go. That does not equate with forgetting what someone has done to you. Remembering can be a positive tool of protection.
39.) You are entitled to your feelings. Do not let someone tell you what you feel is wrong.
40.) And you’re going to be really surprised by this one: I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.
Much love my friends. Live your life.