Life as Amber knows it

And we’re back to that time of year in which I reflect on what I’ve learned both throughout my life and in the past year.

1.) My whole “ugh” response to my birthday coming up has nothing to do with turning a year older. It does however have everything to do with how something always goes painfully wrong in the weeks before my birthday each year.

2.) Holding your guard up around people is both a pro and con. Because while you might be protecting yourself, you’re also running the risk of missing out on some incredible experiences.

3.) There are some hurts in our life we never heal from. They stay with us. All you can do is take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re through it, and keep a pint of ice cream in the freezer for the times the memories are too much to bear.

4.) Most excellent stories start with the words, “So I was drinking tequila…”

5.) It’s alright to ask for help.

6.) Your past does not define you any more than the road you took to a new city defines that city. It’s just the path you took to your destination. What you do with the destination itself is what’s most important.

7.) Don’t waste your time on people or things that give nothing back to you.

8.) Never underestimate the power or the importance of a well deserved “fuck you”.

9.) I’ve found that I have absolutely nothing to say to anyone who pays more for a weekly rental on a vacation house than I spend in rent a year.

10.) It can be exceptionally painful to love someone who does not want that love.

11.) I’ve found that more often than not, when telling someone what I’m going through, all I want to hear is, “That sucks” and have them take my hand.

12.) I’ve spoken to people in groups of twenty-five. I’ve spoken to people in groups of over a hundred. I’ve interviewed for jobs I want badly. But nothing, and I mean nothing is as nerve wracking as standing up in front of your nine-year-old’s daughter class to read your poetry to them.

13.) The best line ever? “Because fuck you, that’s why.”

14.) The second best line ever? “Because squishy, that’s why.”

15.) You don’t have to understand it. You don’t have to like it. It doesn’t have to be something you yourself would do. But if it works for me and makes me happy, please support it. Thank you.

16.) At a certain age, booty shorts and crop tops are just sad.

17.) Never trust a woman who’s wearing more jewelry than clothing.

18.) Never trust a man who’s wearing more jewelry than clothing.

19.) If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

20.) It’s a sad commentary on the world that we live in that honesty has become the exception and not the rule.

21.) Ladies, occasionally put on that little black dress, that special necklace, and those rockin’ heels for no reason other than to celebrate yourself.

22.) If people don’t recognize you without your make~up and hair done, then you’re doing it wrong. And if the only non-photo shopped photos of you online are those other people post, I have no interest in talking to you.

23.) I have no problem saying I love my sweat pants.

24.) God was a bit busy when he was creating me. Which is why he gave me an awesome tattoo artist, to finish the body art he didn’t have time to complete.

25.) There is nothing quite as enjoyable as the look on your children’s faces when you inform them it will be a pajama day, and there will be breakfast for dinner along with lots of movies and junk food all day.

26.) If I can beat infertility three times, I most certainly can kick ass at anything I choose to.

27.) Hipsters piss me off because they only like what they’re told to like. Like something because it appeals to you, not because everyone else likes it.

28.) If you don’t know my birthday without Facebook telling you when it is, clearly, we’re not that close.

29.) One of the greatest things about having children is passing the phone over to them when a telemarketer calls and instructing them to talk about their latest bowel movement. I’m a bit surprised we haven’t gotten any calls recently.

30.) No matter how much time passes after we lose them, there are people we never get over.

31.) Sometimes, it’s best to clean house, not only literally, but metaphorically. That means if something or someone is no longer bringing anything useful or positive to your life, it’s time to let go.

32.) Editors are some of my favorite people. Because they’ve mastered the art of telling me I’m wrong without pissing me off, which was unheard of until two years ago.

33.) If you pay more for a purse than I do in rent each month, I’m not going to be able to talk to you because I’m going to be laughing too hard.

34.) The only dogs that need a fugly sweater are the ones who unfortunately do not have hair.

35.) My children have forever changed me in the best possible way. And I can never thank them enough for that.

36.) I’m at the point in my life where a good cup of coffee, some comfy pajama bottoms, and a good conversation is the highlight of my week.

37.) And I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

 

Much love (from a much older place),

 

Amber Jerome~Norrgard